The Absurd and Amazing Adventures of Cafe Girl: If There Are No Single Men, Is It OK To Show Up With Bushy Eyebrows?

October 13, 2006

If There Are No Single Men, Is It OK To Show Up With Bushy Eyebrows?

Tomorrow, I'm going to a wedding of a dear friend.

It's been about 10 months since I've had an occasion to put on a formal dress and dancing shoes, so I'm thinking it might be fun to get some professional grooming services done, put on a cute little dress, and party.

Ever since I passed the age of 25, I seem to have developed an innate ability to sprout facial hair quicker than I ever have before. I've always been a little hairy. As a little kid, I had unusually dark upper lip hair. So much so that at eight years of age, a doctor who was examining me for my cold remarked, "Wow, you have a mustache." (He also then said I was fat--I think he just had very bad bedside manner)

I never really cared about my facial hair until I turned about 20--and realized that I could actually do something about it.

Enter facial hair removal cream--which no matter how gentle the box says it is, still burns like acid. Then came eyebrow waxing--warm wax, the strip and the dreaded rip. Also one of those things that, no matter what the lady at the salon tells you, hurts.

Most recently, I was convinced to get my eyebrows threaded. According to Wikipedia:

"Eyebrow threading is the process of shaping the eyebrows using a thread. It is commonly practiced by women in India and the Middle East. They use a pure cotton thread. They generally twist the hair and threading pulls out a whole row of hair, as opposed to tweezing where only one single hair is pulled out. Threading is often preferred to tweezing because of the naturally straight lines of hair removed by the thread. It is pulled out from the follicle. Some women focus particularly on the area between the eyebrows, thus interrupting so-called "unibrows" Threading is also used on the upper lip and face."

One Sunday afternoon, I walked into a little salon down the street from where I lived. I was going to see a Chris Isaak concert that night and wanted to get my eyebrows waxed. This little place was the only one that was open on a Sunday. The salon, as it turned out, was owned by a slight, Indian woman who was fascinated by my purple hair. When I said I wanted my eyebrows waxed she said, "Threaded?"

"No," I said, "Waxed."

"No, no," she replied, "Threading is better. I thread. Waxing, it pull your skin, make it loose. Threading is better."

"Ah...will it hurt?" I asked.

"Of course it hurts," she said, "There is no beauty without pain."

It was refreshing, actually, to hear this little Indian woman tell it like it is. So I got my eyebrows and face threaded that afternoon. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, it hurt. Imagine a million tiny little ants biting your face. That would be about right. It hurt so much I teared up--three times. She had to stop and wipe my tears away.

It looked good though. So good that I'm thinking about getting it done again tomorrow before I go to this wedding.

Being single, being still somewhat young, and being extremely absurd, there's always a miniscule part of me that thinks I might meet a single guy at a wedding. It's a time when everyone is all dressed up, feeling warm and fuzzy from watching two people in love join together in an eternal union, and as a bonus, there's alcohol floating around. Honestly, it's sort of prime...

Besides, meeting a man at a wedding happens in the movies all the time--and we all know what happens in the movies must mimic real life.

Except, I got a glimpse of the guest list, and there's only going to be one single man there. Literally. One. Say it with me, "ONE."

I look at stats all day with my job, so let me tell you this: one is not a very good stat.

But of course, none of this really matters. Afterall, I'm not going to this wedding to meet men. I'm going to this wedding because I love my friend dearly. Because I want to celebrate her union with the man God has prepared for her. Because it's important to bear witness to what the Creator has brought together.

But I do have a question--since there's not really going to be single, available men around, is it OK to show up with bushy eyebrows? That way, I don't have to have the pain and I'll be about $20 richer. That's like 2 weeks worth of Grande Americanos...

Just a thought.

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