The Absurd and Amazing Adventures of Cafe Girl: When You Say I Love You

April 6, 2008

When You Say I Love You

I guess it could happen in any relationship.

That moment, when you bear your soul, utter the three little words you've been thinking for quite some time now but never dared to say. You tell yourself it's a declaration of YOUR feelings. And that it doesn't matter if the other person doesn't say it back. You try not to imagine the hurt and the devastation, not to mention, the awkwardness, if that other person just looks at you, doesn't say a word and changes the subject.

Except, in my case... it wasn't to my Someone I'd uttered these words. It was to a vendor I was doing business with.

I didn't mean it, really I didn't. It was purely a slip of the tongue. I had been on Instant Message with my best friend, we were in the process of ending the chat when the phone rang.

And instead of letting it go to voicemail, I picked it up. Because I think, hey, I'm a girl, I know how to multi-task. The vendor and I talk about some business. I give him a quick update, ask him to send me more information.

In the meantime, my best friend is typing her goodbye to me. And she adds, as she always does, "I love you."

And I want to say it back to her, like I always do, over Instant Message. But first, I think to myself, I need to get the vendor off the phone. And somewhere between my head, my mouth, and my fingers, something misfires, resulting in:

Me To Vendor: Thanks so much.
Instant Message: Bye, I love you.
Me To Vendor: Bye. Love you.

Click. I hang up the phone... Followed by...


Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I said, "Love you" to a vendor that I do business with. Somewhere on the East Coast, there is a very confused man going, "Did she just say she loved me?"

So, you may ask, what does one do in a situation like this? Do you call him back, clarify that you were talking to someone else? What if, he didn't hear me say that? Then I would have exposed too much and made something out of nothing. And if he did, and was choosing to be a gentleman and ignore it, wouldn't it be even more awkward to dredge it up again?

I chose to leave well enough alone. I didn't call him back. I didn't send him an e-mail to follow up. I did nothing. Except scream in horror and then laugh. Because, you've got to admit. This stuff is FUNNY. You can't make it up.

If you are reading this, dear Vendor, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it. I don't love you. I'm not trying to put any pressure on you. You don't need to say it back. I do not need this relationship to move to the next level.

And the next time you call me, don't be offended if I send you to my assistant.


Leah said...

Oops! Should I devise a code way to tell you I care? "Always remember that 'thank you for your help REALLY means I love you.'. Well, if that's the case, "I'm really, really, really thankful for your help. You know what I mean.

Jennifer said...

That is hilarious! I have done similar stuff. My favorite is when I used to accidentally talk to people like babies, because I had been talking to Duncan all day with no adult contact when the phone would ring. Awesome! :-)