The Absurdity of Issues

There's nothing like reading through old journals to realize that some issues continue to play themselves out, with different actors, maybe, but the issues still remain the same.

It's almost comical how one year ago, I was writing the exact same things in my journal as I am today. There's a lot of questions of why, how, what the hell happened, and maybe ifs. If I read these journals with the sensible eye of a person not right in the middle of turmoil, I would laugh. Will this woman never learn, I would wonder out loud, can't she see what's going on?

Of course, me being the woman central in said journals, I find it a little difficult to laugh. However, I'm not beyond wondering if perhaps I have taken myself way too seriously. That sometimes things that happen have very little to do with me, my issues, or even anything I said or did. That perhaps sometimes, some people are just dumb, and they do dumb things. That perhaps, for once, someone else's issues and not mine, are central to the problem.

It's a nice thought to have. It frees me to believe that I don't really have to hold myself responsible for everything. That perhaps, for once, someone else is responsible for this mess I find myself in.

So for just a couple of hours tonight, I will put away the self help books that warn me to search my heart, be fully aware of my intentions and all my issues. I've done that all my post therapy adult life. For a couple of hours tonight, I'm going to believe that someone else has issues too.