The Absurd and Amazing Adventures of Cafe Girl: Absurd Cafegirl's Christian Dating Tip of the Day - Just Do It

January 4, 2011

Absurd Cafegirl's Christian Dating Tip of the Day - Just Do It

Some of us Christians have a crazy notion that ALL forms of dating must be scrutinizingly intentional. And by all forms, I really do mean all forms. Even something as basic as a first date, over a cup of coffee, has to be something thought through with the precision of a surgeon's laser. Is he/she "right" for me? Do I like him too much? Does he like me too much? Will I give him the wrong idea? Have I guarded my heart? Is she going to think we need to get married over this cup of coffee? When do I make my intentions clear - after the first sip, or the third sip? Won't it be awkward if I don't like him/her, I don't call, and we have to see each other at the same church/young adults group/ministry event/mutual friend's party?

And then, after all that, we inevitably come to the conclusion that it's probably better if we didn't even venture to have the cup of coffee. After all, this kind of painful awkwardness can't possibly be good for our hearts - which really should be turned to God anyway. And if we were faithful, and waited, and God really wanted us to be with someone, He'd make a way.

And so we wait. And wait. And wait.

And then we complain about how Christians don't date.

Then, in a fit of motivation we join sites such as eHarmony, Christian Cafe, or crazy Facebook groups for singles. And then when someone of interest surfaces, we get back on that merry-go-round - does he like me? Do I like him? What if I like him too much? What if I don't like her and have to see her at events? What if.... oh, let's all just forget it.

My tip of the day for Christian dating is this - Just Do It. Just send her that email/Facebook message and ask her out. Call her, if you're the phone type of guy. And you girls, don't take offense if he asks you for coffee over email instead of calling - it's OK.... at least he's asking. Say yes to the slightly awkward dude who hemmed and hawed his way but managed to get out the words, "Can I take you out?" He was just nervous - it's charming, trust me. And dude over there hoping for the Godly woman who has a 10 body - SHE DOES NOT EXIST. The 7 is just as great - especially since you are closer to a 6 yourself.

Go out, go out, go out with each other. Go to coffee, go for beers, go eat bad bar food at Happy Hour. Stammer and yammer your way through the first date. Slip into your stand up routine in the middle of a conversation without warning her that's what you're doing. Spill food down your chest. Whatever you do on this date remember that first, second, third, and even fourth dates are supposed to be awkward anyway. And guess what - at least you are trying. Trying to date, trying to do something to fulfill the desires of your heart for marriage that you know you have, but won't admit.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

I suppose you could go for coffee and out of the blue he tells you something to the effect of he isn't an adventurous sort of guy and what he really likes is routine. And on the inside you curl up into a fetal position and rock back and forth while the next 40 years of your life going to the same movie theaters, visiting the same coffee places, eating at the same restaurants, having sex in exactly the same way, flashes before your eyes.

And then you walk home, horrified, and tell all your friends how you met the antithesis of you, and WHO doesn't like to try at least something new every once in a while? And then you all laugh about it for the next six months because you can't imagine someone who would be a worst fit for you than that. Besides, who says they only like routine on a first date anyway? And if you were really being honest, this story's kind of funny and you secretly enjoy mocking this dude a little bit too much.

And then six months later you bump into him at a party and he completely ignores you and doesn't acknowledge your existence even though you are standing RIGHT THERE in the circle of conversation he's chosen to join.

And for two seconds you feel humiliated. Then you laugh at this whole thing and craft it into a post on your blog.

That's it? If you're telling me THAT'S the worst that could happen, I say you need to have a little more guts.

Now go date.

1 comment:

DanielB said...

"And dude over there hoping for the Godly woman who has a 10 body - SHE DOES NOT EXIST"

Sure she does.

It's the Godly woman who communicates well and is open to being pursued who doesn't exist.