The Absurd and Amazing Adventures of Cafe Girl: The Boys

November 8, 2006

The Boys

I remarked the other day that while I knew it was politically incorrect to have a crush on bad boy Russell Crowe, it was precisely because he was a bad boy that made him so irresistible. The remark led to the inevitable question... What is a bad boy, and why is it so bad to like them?

Well, this is as good a time as any to talk about
The Boys. The Boys is a system of thought that came from considering the kind of boy I wanted to spend my life with. I was meeting many boys on a daily basis, and I started to notice that these boys tended to fall into categories, each with shared characteristics. I came to the conclusion that if I wanted a certain category of guy, I needed to be clear about what characteristics that category of guy contained. Hence, The Boys. Within this system, there are basically seven categories of boys--Cute Boys, Bad Boys, Sad Boys, Nice Boys, Cow Boys, Mamma's Boys and Good Boys. Each category of boys has its good and bad characteristics. And there's ample reason that women love boys in each of those categories.
The Boys is not a system that is meant to stereotype, but rather to clarify my own thinking. Because there's nothing wrong with a Cute Boy, or a Bad Boy, if that's what you want. But if you don't know what makes a Cute Boy, or a Bad Boy, how do you know when you meet one?

And so, ladies and gentlemen, Cafe Girl proudly presents.... The Boys--Part One
Cute Boys
These boys are not necessarily drop dead gorgeous, although many of them are. What makes them attractive is their wit, their charm, and their playfulness. They have an excellent sense of humor and are incredibly self-aware. As a result, they may also be incredibly self-effacing. They are fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

Why do we love them? Because they make us feel both girlish and motherly all at once. We want to be part of their fun, but we also want to make a big meal and feed them.

Why should we be careful? Because they are so fun that they may never become serious about anything--including you.
Bad Boys
Who hasn't met a bad boy and known better? Bad boys are hot and cool all at once. They have a blatant disregard for authority and love danger. Whether it's driving too fast, being just on the edge of breaking the law, or being in danger of getting caught, bad boys love to do it and won't care about the consequences. When not aloof, they are funny, in a sharp, slightly dark sort of way.

Why do we love them? Because they make us feel like we can do anything, forget about what the world thinks, and we know that feeling such freedom is incredibly sexy.

Why should we be careful? Do we even need to go there? Because blatant disregard for anyone and anything is sexy--until it turns into a blatant disregard for you.
Sad BoysOften musicians, poets, writers, painters, sculptors, basically any kind of artist. Sad Boys have at least one major heartbreak in their pasts, usually more. Each story of heartbreak is oddly similar to the last. Sad Boys constantly feel misunderstood by the world, yet are ever so willing to pour out their hearts to it.

Why do we love them? Because they are sensitive and kind, particularly towards the disenfranchised. Hearts that are broken that many times are often soft. And also because they seem to be so open, so willing to talk about how they feel.

Why should we be careful? Because a Sad Boy will inevitably tell you, "I'm willing to give you more, really I am, if only I weren't so afraid of being hurt again." And while that sounds logical in theory, in practice it means that you have a boy that lives behind a veil of fear and can't really share the deepest parts of his heart.

Next time: Part Two--Mamma's Boys, Nice Boys, Cow Boys, and Good Boys...

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